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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28143822">breathe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutoma/pseuds/bokutoma'>bokutoma</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Garrus Vakarian, Custom Shepard (Mass Effect), F/M, Feelings Realization, No Shepard Without Vakarian, Past Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Past Shepard/Liara T'Soni, Pre-Slash, Renegade Shepard (Mass Effect), more like horny realization but hey. shepard works in mysterious ways, no name though</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:06:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28143822</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutoma/pseuds/bokutoma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> "Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are krogan."</i>
</p>
<p>in a moment of quiet, shepard takes some time to reflect. naturally, garrus is there</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>breathe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>merry christmas to my dear friend ludo &lt;3333333 ily</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is something to the idea that a soldier will never rest. Shepard has <em>slept, </em>of course; despite evidence and rumors to the contrary, she's still fairly certain that she's human. Rest, however, is an elusive beast, one right up there with relaxation and peace. When she's not on the hunt - when she's not the one <em>being </em>hunted - there is a deep unease that grips her from the inside out, a restlessness that itches in her bones.</p>
<p>Pitstops in Omega are not wholly uncommon these days; a shadow Spectre can't really requisition supplies from any old outpost, after all. That being said, Shepard is growing tired of the noise, of the endlessly pulsating lights.</p>
<p>Aria T'loak might be damn fun to flirt with and even better to fire shots at, but even she can't exceed the need for some quiet.</p>
<p>God, who knew that death would make her into an old woman?</p>
<p>She trusts Miranda about as far as she can throw her - which is admittedly a fair distance - but there is enough between them for her to take point on a supply run. For once, she will have time to do as much or as little as she pleases.</p>
<p>The problem in this lies in the fact that she wants very little. The silence and solitude are good for refocusing, she knows, but without a gun in hand, she has no real clue how to spend her time. Joker is always good for a laugh, of course, but he's catching up on sleep, and the few crewmates she has a measure of camaraderie with are mostly making full use of Omega's many vices.</p>
<p>That leaves only Garrus; it's a damn good thing that he is her favorite of the bunch, whether she'd ever admit it or not.</p>
<p>In moments like these, with only a barebones crew to keep the place running, she understands why it is that Tali couldn't sleep her first few nights on the original Normandy. The hum of machinery is more like a whisper, and with her footfall the loudest sound in the corridors, it's hard not to feel a little like a ghost haunting her own ship.</p>
<p>Garrus is not calibrating anything, which is a miracle in and of itself, but that does leave her with few ideas as to where he might be. After pacing the length of two separate decks, she is tired of the search; the comms would have been more efficient, of course, but there is a niggling part of her that tells her it is weakness to seek out another person like that, to crave comfort in the arms of someone else.</p>
<p>So she returns to her quarters, frustration tugging her spine into such sharp alignment that her shoulders ache with the force of it. It's ridiculous, she knows, but she had been looking forward to curling up on her couch and... What? What exactly had been her game plan, other than to have Garrus with her?</p>
<p>She needs some damned sleep.</p>
<p>The Normandy has a different answer for her, it seems, because EDI is flashing a silent alert on the keypad beside her door. Someone is in there, but if EDI isn't concerned...</p>
<p>Garrus is slouched across most of her couch when she enters, his gaze far away as he stares idly at her fish tank. There's something almost beautiful about the picture he makes, worn down and rough though he is, and her fist clenches at her side.</p>
<p>"Enjoying the comforts of my furniture, Vakarian?"</p>
<p>He startles, hand automatically reaching for his back; when he registers that it's her, he settles back into comfort faster than she could have imagined, arm dropping against the backrest as though it is his room, one that <em>she </em>has intruded on. She doesn't mind, actually. It's kind of nice to have one person be so immune to her general demeanor. "Your chair is awful, Shepard. I thought humans bought them so they could nap somewhere other than their own beds."</p>
<p>"So you took my couch instead?" There is something interesting about having him in her room. As close as they are, her quarters are a sacred space; no one else has been in them save for Liara, and there is history between them, even if Shepard herself did cut it off. It's not bad, just... different, as things have tended to be since she's seen him again. "You better move your ass over, unless you're ready to be crushed."</p>
<p>"By you? There are worse fates."</p>
<p>Still, he moves enough that she can tuck herself into the space beside him, and she resolutely does not think about the unfamiliar warmth blooming at the base of her spine at his words.</p>
<p>They are quiet, and even if she is unused to that with anyone else, this is Garrus, who has been with her practically since the start. There is no one she'd rather be with in this moment. Regardless of those feelings, though, she is restless, so she takes the time to study his face, to see where the cybernetics and skin grafts have finally started to settle in with the rest of his face. It should concern her, she thinks, that he is so irrevocably marked, but she thinks of the scarring of her own face, how Dr. Chakwas had offered her a way to heal them forever. She had rejected it summarily.</p>
<p>She <em>likes </em>the way she looks in the mirror, hell-red and angry and jagged, and she likes the way Garrus looks too, even if she hates how he came by his own scars. He's a damn scrappy fighter, and every time she looks at him, she's reminded that he's survived everything that following her has thrown at him, has given back a damn sight better than he got.</p>
<p>He jokes that he has a face only a krogan woman could love now, but she remembers setting down on Tuchanka, how Wrex had told her that she would have made a damned fine addition to the planet had she been one in truth. Garrus had agreed then, had laughed when she'd challenged Gatatog Uvenk on his own terms. She wonders if that means he thinks she could love his appearance too.</p>
<p>She wonders, but only because she knows that it's true.</p>
<p>"You're staring at me," he says, the rumbling tones of his subvocals doing something to her insides that makes her want to double down on her hardass nature. "I know I'm not the stunner I used to be, so the attention you're giving me is going to get me all embarrassed."</p>
<p>He says it like it's a joke, but she knows him, knows that he's never been one for the romance department and only slightly better when it comes to sex. Either way, his skills are a bit dismal, and when he says that he's flustered, she knows he means it.</p>
<p>"I don't know," she replies, and when had her voice gone all husky? "I think it suits you, <em>Archangel.</em>"</p>
<p>He groans. "Are you ever going to stop calling me that? It's just weird when you do it, you know."</p>
<p>"Absolutely not. You picked the codename. You have to live with that." He shifts beside her in his embarrassment, his hand brushing against her shoulder for the briefest moment. "But you're avoiding the compliment, you know. <em>Someone </em>had to tell you that you look rugged, so you'd better be grateful I bothered."</p>
<p>"You're a little biased, you know," he says, and when he touches her face, she hisses out an exhale between her teeth. "What with all of yours and your insistence on being an honorary Urdnot."</p>
<p>"I was bound to come away with one or two, you know."</p>
<p>"Didn't Chakwas offer you some experimental treatment or other?" There is an intensity in his gaze that she should find alarming; the only other time she has seen it is when he's staring down the barrel of his gun. Instead, it is a comfort, like being pinned in a corner but with all the ammo on her side. "I'd thought a human would want to be rid of them."</p>
<p>"Honorary Urdnot, remember? You said it yourself." She smiles in a way that is more like baring her teeth and loves the way that his expression matches her own. "Besides, I'm not like most humans."</p>
<p>"No," he agrees. "You most certainly aren't, Commander."</p>
<p>And she has done this song and dance enough that she knows what would come next if they were both human, if she could be sure that he felt the same electricity, if he were not the most important person in her life. Once upon a time, that had been a spot Kaiden had taken and jealously guarded, but if he was going to be such a damned moralist...</p>
<p>Garrus does not judge her for her ethics or for her desires, and it is for this reason that she tamps down the flames of her unassailable impetuousness and does not try to see how else he might find comfort on this couch.</p>
<p>"At any rate, you can pull off the grizzled, mysterious stranger routine at bars now, at least until you open your mouth," she says, fishing for her remote pad in the cushions. "Calibrations don't get anyone else's motors revving. Unless you're Tali, I guess, but even then."</p>
<p>"You're brutal."</p>
<p>Still, when she puts on a game of football and walks him through the rules, she finds that it's better relaxation than she ever could have hoped for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>twitter: @kingblaiddyd</p></blockquote></div></div>
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